Saturday, 16 April 2011

Metal Mickey fights back...

WOW! Who would have thought that anyone would bother to read my inane scribblings...? And I've even got some followers, thank you all very,very much for that, I really do appreciate it. I'll try to keep my rants short and sweet in the future.
Today, my Victor Meldrew moment was in Tesco's car park. Did my shopping, no problem but when I got back to the car... some lovely considerate person had decided to park so close to me that I couldn't get into the drivers seat without going on a very fast diet! I know I need to lose a few pounds but this was ridiculous. I had to climb across the passenger seat in the end. I did check the top of the car to make sure that there wasn't a giant arrow pointing down at it with a big sign above saying 'this one.' There wasn't. I just don't believe it.
Have you ever woken up in the middle of a dream to find that you've not really been dreaming? It seems to give an odd feeling of deja-vu.
I recently had this experience when I was pulled from my slumbers by Lyn. I sub-consciously believed she was talking to a machine called 'Mickey'.
'C'mon Mickey', she shouted: 'Work properly'. In a sleep hazed state I stumbled into the kitchen to find her holding this conversation with the washing machine which had casually been named 'Metal Mickey'.
In our household this is not unusual (those of you who follow her blog will know what I mean! You can check it out here.) !
I suppose I should have realised there was something amiss when we started dating. The streaks of insanity were blossoming even at that early stage.
Lyn quickly named our first car, a Morris (jelly mould) Minor, Alfred. Ever since then our vehicles have received their very own personalised names.
Lyn's motorcycles were called fantastic names such as Benjamin (Benjy for short) - an aging Honda 50 and then Rory - a slightly faster Honda 175.
My bikes always seemed to receive rather more bland names like 'Bill' - not much inspiration there - and of course 'Ben'. An old Austin we once owned was promptly named 'Bertsie', when I asked the reason for this name she simply told me: 'Because it looks like a Bertsie'!
Lyn's particular brand of logic- what logic? - Has eluded me ever since....
From Lyn's point of view and after many years of naming vehicles it was a totally logical step to take - I am referring to her latest craze of naming domestic appliances.
There are probably many other people out there with a similar affliction. Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be any cure so my advice is simple - humour them - if you dare?
'What's the matter with Mickey'? I enquired sleepily.
' The silly old thing won't spin', she replied. 'I think he's been talking to Tommy the tumble dryer'.
It transpired that Lyn believed Mickey was taking industrial action because of fears he may be made redundant. What we have here in laymans terms is a strike!
It was certainly true that we had contemplated putting Mickey 'out to grass' after many years of useful service and rust was starting to slow him down.
My beloved continued her grovelling conversation with Mickey. 'Don't you worry we'll find you a nice new home'.
I had already decided on Mickeys fate. It was the jealous streak in me that decided on a short trip down to the tip! There must be many machines who have found a happy home down there !
I was certainly not going to let this heap of tin and bolts drag my dearest away from me... especially at 2am in the morning!
It was at this point that Mickey attacked me without any provocation. He flung his door wide open which hit me hard in the shin and then spewed his remaining water all over my foot.
I retaliated immediately and kicked the door shut again. At this point Lyn took umbrage, 'If you two are going to fight then I'm going back to bed', and off she went.
As I dried my foot I felt a little peckish, I opened Freddie the fridge and attacked a small piece of cheese, I took a seat in front of Mickey and tried to out stare the one-eyed monster.
It felt like an hour or more before they built up enough courage for the assault. Tommy crept up slowly behind me and Mickey came head on.
Freddie rammed into my side whilst Tommy pushed me into Mickey's doorway..
I panicked and kicked to try and free my head from Mickey's mouth but I was stuck firm....
'Wake up.....John..... wake up'! Screamed Lyn.
'What? What's happening...?' I queried. Lyn just burst into a fit of laughter at my question.
'For goodness sake', I shouted: 'Get this bedside cabinet off my head - will you'?
'Hey, what was that under the bed that I put my foot in......?'


  1. Hilarious! Came by way of your wife's WOYWW post and got curious! I don't think I can get my husband to write a blog! I'm working on my son! Patsy from

  2. Love it! (Glad it wasn't my car lol)Poor Mickey hee hee

  3. What a refreshing blog. i love my crafting women's blogs, but it's great to get a different perspective on the world. Thanks

  4. My current car is called Storm, the one before that The lady Bug. I havn't quite got round to naming the apliances. Called them a few words mind. Couldn't possibly repeat them here!!
    In my village we really do have treacle mines you know.So called because these mines used to produce the tar for the road making. Another local trade was broom making.(The sort witches fly).
    Mrs A.